The Valleys and Hills

Just as a warning, this is a selfish post. Just some chest-lightening(is that a word?) I need to do for myself.

You know those days that you're systematically going through all the regrets you carry. It's kind of a mental task you have to perform every once in while, just to put them back in check and relinquish it all. It doesn't even say anything on how pleased or displeased you are with your life. I have a beautiful, godly wife, and three children I've been absolutely and undeservingly given. For me it's much more a struggle over myself. See, if you know me at all, then you know that my teen years were filled with either legitimate bouts of depression, or, much more often, times locking myself in my room feeling sorry for my "terrible" life. You know, the one with loving parents, a Biblical foundation, two awesome siblings, a healthy body, and a bright mind.

Luckily after getting out of that, and getting caught up in husband- and parenthood, God made it evident that I don't have the time to feel sorry for myself. Lives depended on me to get my head together. My studies(honestly by pure divine planning picking Biblical Studies) are what got me through it, by being forced to spend time in God's Word. Even though it was by proxy, by growing closer to the Lord His Word saved my life. It did. I was miserable before that.

But every once in a while I find myself faced with an old life. Regrets of stupid things I've done. People I've hurt or neglected, opportunities missed, wasted time, honest stupidity. We can all attest to the fact that I was immature and idiotic. Still am. But I have a Savior who gives hope to the future. A promise of eternity spent with Him. The hope of escaping death, as He did once. God willing, I'll have more opportunities ahead of me to give glory to Him. Of being someone that helps heal hearts instead of tearing them. Of doing right by God's will, because we've already seen what I'm capable of apart from Him.

Christ, you are my all in all, and I get to face you, my Savior, my Friend, my Beloved. I get to see what you look like. I get to behold Your hands. I get to look You in the eyes. I get to see what Your smile is like. I get to see what Your face shows when You look upon me with absolute joy. You've restored, You are restoring, and You will restore me. What a gracious, merciful God you are. I give my regrets to You, because I am dead to my old life. You've made me new. I am a new creature, with Your stamp on me. How great You are!

:) He is so good to us. Even in our times of seeming darkness, when we get lost in ourselves for a bit, He holds our hands and pours continuing grace on us. Let's not waste our lives. Let's give what little sacrifice we can to Him who changed our hearts forever.